What Had Stopped Me From Writing?

This is the question I still do not know the answer. And if I will answer, I guess I cannot fit it into writing because of so many reasons. Before the answers, let me go back to a certain point in time when my writing skills were questioned.

I am officially unemployed nowadays because I wanted to concentrate with my studies and at the same time, to take some rest in teaching (don't worry, I'll be returning next school year!). But the most intriguing reason why I left the academe is because I wanted to try in writing, editing and everything about publishing. I know, everybody knows (with flying colors, hahaha) that I have talent in writing so I can use it, I can even make money out of it. I tried to so many publishing companies, from books to magazines and even technical writing and online writing tutor but they kept me waiting.

I tried applying in one of the leading magazine publishing companies in the country. I really wanted to be part of their lifestyle site which they write about anything and everything in Metro Manila. From food, movies, celebrities, politicians, and so much more, this site can make fun of them, no pun intended. I sent my resume and I really bragged my blogsite which happened to have the same writings as they do. I still believe that I can be trained if I guess my writings were not as strong and as readable as they do. They received it but until now, I haven't heard of anything from them. Is it because I am not really a writer but an educator? Teachers can write beautifully and with full of ideas, heart and soul.

I taught Technical Writing in high school. This is difficult because it has more technicalities unlike with creative writing and even journalism. Different jargon and terminologies have been given to the students but of course I studied them. These things gave me an idea on how to make my own papers due for my studies. I just don't know if my students are also interested. I let them create their own thesis and put them into an oral defense as part of their exams. Some did well, others not so. I understand that this was their first time doing a research work. Good thing, I haven't heard anything from my superiors and my colleagues about my project. Time was actually the main thing why some of them did not do well. And my fault, I inserted their Technical Writing project to the numerous projects and requirements students need to do for the year end.

I read from Philippine Panorama only today about the slowly decline of college students getting humanities or liberal arts as their course. Specifically, they are not into the world of literature, visual arts and other forms. I am studying literature and up to heavens, I love it. Most of the incoming college students are into hotel and restaurant management, maritime studies, engineering, sciences and others which will give them the benefits. Unlike if you write and if your ideas are great, you will come a long way. But I only talked to one of the most respected professors in one of the leading universities in the Philippines that writing career in our country has served by a so-called "mafia." I did not dwell too much in it but I guess it is true. Why cannot we not follow the footsteps of other countries in which they do care about the writers, and they still have a snap with literature and the whole liberal arts (no, I'm not afraid because I know I can have a career with humanities!).

On the other hand, I became very busy. I was very busy finishing the grades of my students. I was very busy finishing two papers for my studies. And I don't have any mood for writing. Prior to this, I haven't finished two posts because of my mood swings. It includes laziness, sadness, and the "I-don't-care-what's-going-on-outside" syndrome. Because it was my time to have a rewarding vacation, same goes with my writing. Don't worry because I'm going to release it soon, if I have mood (of course, yes!)

I guess another reason was my attitude. These past few months, I've been exercising attitude towards my parents, my friends, my co-workers and even myself. There were turbulent occasions with myself and the other people so close to my life and thankfully, we made pact with each other. Because of that, I did not write. Instead of putting it into writing, I just waiting something to change in the timeline of Facebook and Twitter and watch so many usual and unusual videos via YouTube.

And then I went back to applying. This time as an online writing tutor in a company based in Alabang. In it, students from different countries will be sending their homework and a draft of their work. As a tutor, you are not going to edit their work but to tutor them what should be and should not be done in their work. It is like the students look up to their tutor as perfect example of writers. I did the simulation and it was really hard. I was not able to do necessary exercises because I relied with the sample essays they had sent me. And I also had problems with my grammar. I have problems with the perfect tenses, prepositions and run-on sentences. Turns out, they never called me back and I know the answer. Because of this, I thought how's my writing so far? I could write well I believe but could I share what I know about it, really?

What had stopped me from writing? All of these things considered as my reasons but it all boils down to one thing: I still have no definite topic (just kidding!)! Maybe I just wanted to return to my normal way of writing my brouhahas: everything I see, I conquer and I wander in my life. From reviews to celebrations, I will write. And if I keep on writing, my talent will flourish more and more. And from now on, this will be my diskarte to my writing talent! I believe someday, few months or years from now, someone will say "I nailed it!"

I will write again and I will say this last word!

Toodles!!!