It Has Been So Long

Hello... It's me...

I don't know how to introduce an article or a blogpost after almost a year of not writing.

I have been busy, my apologies.

I have forgotten how to write an article in my blog with all about nonsense and brouhahas. But don't worry, I still have the drive to write.

It's just that I had no time. If I had given a chance to write, early on, I'll stop. If I already started a post, sometime in between moments I'll stop. A lot of topics, concepts, ideas are running on my mind, and I even had an introduction but I fail to end. Yeah, it's just that I had no time.

Especially now that it has been six (6) years that I am owning this blog.

Pretending to be a senior at this, broadcasting to every person I meet that I own a blog, and serenading myself to write just one article for a month, oh yeah, even thinking about ending this.

It has been so long since the last time I wrote an article (it was last year when I got disturbed with my career). It has been so long.

Oh, what I did was I connected my most personal email in my Blogger account so that when I use it here, I can write an article whatever my brain wants me to write about.

Be it about my current work, or my dear friends, or my crush, or about my future whereabouts and what-nots.

I'm no longer after the number of reads. This blog will only be about what I want to talk about. As it is.

Well, thank you then for waiting. After sometime, this is my first time to blog.

Wait, I need to revamp my blog site. The title head, which I find it cute before, now becomes an eyesore.

And after all, I will say...

Toodles!!!

Tuloy Pa Rin

I was just inspired by the new McDonalds commercial about welcoming changes in one's life. Katulad na lamang ng nasa commercial, she remembered what happened on that specific space inside a McDonalds store. Pero, kasama siya sa buhay ng tao, nandiyan pa rin ang "space," nandiyan pa rin marahil ang bakas, pero tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay niya.

Then this. This screenshot is about my conversation with my student. I opted to erase her name and her picture (pasalamat ka na lang sa akin!) to avoid future problems. Kung babasahin mo ang kanyang rant sa akin, probably maiintindihan mo siya. Pero mas kilala ko siya. Okay naman ang mga outputs niya, but I just don't like, bluntly, her attitude. Napagalitan ko siya once dahil sumisigaw siya sa klase habang nagtuturo ako. I don't know, maybe this is her way on coming back to me.

Ang pinakamasakit lang ay ang linyang "honestly, I didn't learn that much in the class." I know my failures, hindi ko naman itatangging hindi ako nakakapasok sa klase nila. Hindi ko naibabalik ang mga outputs nila. Hindi ako naging correct example for them to become their professor on that subject. They didn't see my efforts; what's important for them is themselves. So it triggered my decision. Pagod na rin ako sa pagtuturo, pagod na rin ako sa pag-iintindi sa mga estudyante. Pagod na akong maging guro so I need to do have a break.

But I was a bit concerned. If not teaching, what others job might I get? Sabi sa akin ng best friend ko, why not to try training. Why not trying corporate jobs? Kapag sinasabihan niya ako ng kompanya, my question is always "as what?" Oo nga, takot ako. Teaching is my comfort zone. Why do I need to look for another job? I am good at this. Then, I went back to this screenshot. This student hadn't learned anything from me. A good friend of mine which was my former professor told me, "Zieg, why do you have to consider her opinion. She is just your student!" Everybody agreed. Sino nga ba siya. I am not belittling her but she is ONLY my student.

Or this is only because I am just tired of being a teacher. I am enjoying it, especially when half of your dear students love you and the other half is not. I taught in different set-ups: elementary, secondary (high school) and college. I also tried teaching in Special Education due to the fact that Kuya Bong is autistic. I realized na iba ang pagiging kapatid sa pagiging SpEd teacher. Nasubukan ko na ang lahat. Siguro naman, this is a good reason to put my teaching into a halt (in the meantime).

Sa totoo lang din naman, apektado rin ako ng K-12. Admittedly, I knew only a little about it and I don't understand its mission. Matagal na siyang implemented pero ang pagkakaroon ng Senior High School ay hindi ko pa rin ma-digest. At dahil nakapagturo ako sa college, ramdam ko ang effect niya lalo na sa mga universities na walang "contingency plan." Mayroon sa ilan pero kulang pa rin o mali pa rin.

Dahil dito, I put myself into another circumstance.

Then an opportunity came. It was not actually given to me but to my best friend. A very good kind of work. Still inclined in education, still be able to teach but not "teach" but to "mentor" or "coach." A leap upward, a supervisory job. Nasa education scene pa rin ako pero mas complicated ang task, mas nerve-wracking ang concept. I am about to coach my colleagues whenever problems occur. They consider me as their "master teacher" which in the long run of my teaching career, never thought of becoming one.

I am undergoing training to be a master teacher for two weeks and it has been a great journey. The art of coaching is still in its work and it is not easy. Yes, I know how coach does and works but doing it and working it is not an easy task. You have to consider so many things: emotions, behavior, professionalism and ethics, feed backs and all sorts. Aside from the work itself, I need to consider also the things I am about to digest when this thing begins.

So somehow, I am just like the girl in the McDonalds commercial. Looking for an opportunity (just like looking for a chair) but then I saw teaching again. I just looked back to where I was and I still felt the pain but I pushed myself because I believe teaching is where my heart and my life belongs to forever. So, I sat down to the chair (the opportunity is to become a master teacher) and everything went okay.

Tama, tuloy pa rin! And I welcomed change.

Toodles

Video courtesy of McDonalds YouTube channel.
Image courtesy of Edu Jobs for Flexible Practitioners

Maraming Salamat, 2015!

Nauuso ngayon sa mga posts sa Instagram, Facebook at kung kasya man, sa Twitter, ang mga mensahe tungkol sa mga magaganda (o kahit pangit man) na mga karanasan, pangyayari at selebrasyon ng taong 2015. Ako, gagawa ako ng simpleng blog para lamang magpasalamat sa mga taong naging bahagi ng aking buhay.

ANG AKING PAMILYA

Masakit man dahil sa taong ito ay iniwan na tayo ni Tito Pe (Alfredo E. Oris), hinding-hindi natin siya malilimutan. Siya na ang magsisilbing anghel natin na titingin sa atin at magdarasal para sa ating lahat. Kayo ang naging sanhi ng aking inspirasyon. Kayo ang aking lakas. Maraming salamat.

Hindi ako sanay na magpasalamat ng harap-harapan sa inyo ngunit alam niyo na siguro ang pagmamahal na aking ibinabahagi sa inyo!

Ang tanging hiling ko lang para sa ating lahat ay napakalusog na pangangatawan at walang sawang biyayang kung maaari'y maibagi Niya sa atin.

ANG AKING MGA KAIBIGAN

Aaminin kong hindi karamihan ang aking mga kaibigan. Ngunit para sa akin, aanhin mo man ang maraming kaibigan kung hindi ka naman nila kakilala mula ulo hanggang paa. At sila iyun. Ang dalawang grupong aking kinabibilangan.

Para sa aking mga mahal, ang Fantastic Six Plus, maraming salamat sa walang sawang pagtawa sa aking mga biro, sa walang sawang pag-intindi sa aking ugali, sa walang sawang pagpapasensya sa aking mga kamalian at sa walang sawang pagmamahal bilang inyong kaibigan. Nagkaroon man ng hindi pagkakaunawaan sa pagitan namin ni Marky, naniniwala pa rin kayo na balang araw ay magiging maayos ang kung ano man ang sa amin. At siyempre pa, higit akong natutuwa dahil napabilang na sa atin ang pinakamamahal nating sila Adrian at Melai. Nahihiya man sila at paminsan-minsa'y nagpapaubaya, binuksan natin ang ating mga kamay at isinama sa ating magandang samahan.

Sampung taon na tayong magkakaibigan. Nalampasan na natin ang sinasabi nilang "pitong taon" at sa pagkakataong ito, ang pagkakaibigan natin ay selyado na. Wala nang makakasira pa. At sama-sama tayo hanggang sa ating huling hininga!

Para sa aking mga kapatid, ang Teacherrifics, maraming salamat sa mga kuwento, biro, pasensya, suporta at higit sa lahat, pagmamahal. Hindi man tayo magkakasama na sa iisang bubong, ang Ann Arbor Montessori, nananatili pa rin tayong matatag anumang pagsubok ang mga nangyayari. Ang iba sa ati'y may pamilya na, magkakapamilya na, mag-asawa na, mag-aasawa na at patuloy na umiibig, nagpapatunay ito na ang ating pagkakaibigan ay subok na sa tibay at subok na sa tatag. 

Lahat tayo'y nakisimpatiya sa pagkawala ng ina ni Theresa at sa ina ni Onin na asawa ni Julie Girl. Lahat tayo'y nasasabik na sa pagdating ni Zayelle, ang unang anak nina Theresa at Joel. Lahat tayo'y nasasabik sa kasalang Chris at Julie at Kuya Frank at Ms. A. Lahat tayo'y naligayahan sa pag-uwi ni Lyrize mula sa Jeddah at sa muling pagsasama nila ni Yuan. Lahat tayo'y nagalak sa mga bagong kompanyang naging bahagi sila Andrew at Lyrize. At ako'y nagagalak dahil sa unti-unting pagbabalik ng ating pagkakaibigan, Rachel. Nawa'y magtuloy-tuloy ang magagandang balita at pangyayari sa atin at sa ating mga pamilya. Nawa'y maging handa tayo, pisikal man o emosyonal sa kung anumang pagsubok ang maaaring dumating sa ating pagkakaibigan.

Maraming salamat dahil kayo'y aking naging mga kaibigan.

ANG AKING MGA KAIBIGAN SA TRABAHO

Hindi kumpleto ang isang araw sa Far Eastern University kung hindi ko sila nakakasama at nakakakuwentuhan. Ang aking mga kapatid sa Interdisciplinary Studies Department na sina Ma'am Basil, Sir Kenneth, Sir Jeno, Sir Joey, Ma'am Emi at Sir Jorge at sa aming pinakamamahal na pundasyon at sandigan, Sir Manny, maraming salamat sa pagtutulungan, sa mga tawanan, sa mga kuwentuhan at sa mga karunungang inyong ibinabahagi. Inspirasyon ko kayo sa aking pagtuturo. At kung ano man ang ating mga kapalaran sa susunod na taon, nawa'y hindi tayo bumitiw sa samahang ating nabuo.

ANG AKING MGA MAG-AARAL

Sa inyo na naging kasama ko sa loob ng apat na sulok ng silid-aralan, maraming salamat sa mga hindi malilimutang pagkakataon na ako'y inyong naging guro. May mga pagkakataon man na ako'y nagalit o nagsungit, patawad. May mga pagkakataon man na kayo'y natawa sa aking mga biro, salamat sa masasarap na tawa. May mga pagkakataon man na ako'y nakatulong sa inyo, walang anuman! May mga pagkakataon man na kayo'y may natutunan sa aking mga aral, ako'y nalulugod at natutuwa!

Misyon ko na ibigay sa inyo ang nararapat na karunungan na maaari ninyong magamit sa mga darating na araw. Pahintulutan ninyo akong maging bahagi ng inyong buhay-estudyante, sa mga leksyon, proyekto, riserts, pangkatang-gawain at kung ano pa man. Kung oo man, maraming salamat at magiging maganda ang ating samahan. 

At sa Far Eastern University, maraming salamat sa pagkakataong maging isang propesor. 

2015 ay naging akin, nawa'y sa darating na bagong taon, maging akin ulit ito. Ika nga ng isang kasabihan, "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." 

Toodles, 2015!

Hello, 2016!

Mga larawan mula sa Facebook account nina Cacai Tandingan, Julie Ann Cory Jimenez, Sir Emmanuel Gonzales, Jenorie San Agustin at sa Far Eastern University (official).

Hey Bro... Haha!!!

Catchy title it is but definitely not funny (funny-walain!!!)...

Once again, I'm here with my brouhahas to tell something about something, or to write something about something...

Bet you didn't know that second semester in FEU is ongoing but I still feel the vibes of the semester break and APEC week (vacation). I don't know if I can disclose this but since it is a "national" issue somehow on Twitter, some students and even classes are still having a hard time with the schedules and class lists. Adjustment period is already over but still some students are having problems with their classes. I am also having a hard time finalizing my teaching load and my class schedule because of some unavoidable changes within the system. Hopefully, everything may come in order as fast as possible.

Nevertheless, I feel I will have a good semester at this time. New set of students and I guess, better set of students unlike the previous one which it gave me so much pain and trauma! I will be teaching Public Speaking (a first time!), Technical Writing, Research Writing, Academic Writing (others call it College Writing) and my most favorite, Literature! May God bless me in this semester!

Probably I am the last person in the world which still use this phone as my mode of communication to my family and friends. But six years ago, this was my dream phone. Back then, this was still considered as the most intelligent phone because you can do anything in it. You can do notes, plan events and meetings, take photos, listen to radio, record a video, sync to other phones and other outstanding stuff. But it's already 2015, and still, this is what I use as my official mobile phone.

Don't worry, I am planning to buy a new one (of course not like this) next year because I need to go with the times. Every time I'm with my friends, somehow I don't put this out not because I am embarrassed with this but because I'm not going with the flow with them. They own smartphones which are touched by the fingers and they can do Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and the Internet through it while my phone cannot do those. But again, I'm very glad because this "dream phone" became my phone.

The great Dona Zenaida Oris Balota will celebrate her 60th natal day on the 21st of December. I'm very excited, not because she is already 20%-discounted in all transactions, but it's her Diamond birthday (feels like her Jubilee year) and together with my siblings, we're very excited to celebrate it with her. We're not actually the typical "pa-showbiz" when it comes to celebrations but we're very glad she is able to reach sixty!

I told her that if for instance she was able to have a work, probably she's already processing her retirement. I knew the real reason why she let go of her dream to become a career woman; nevertheless, she chose the career not all woman can easily become successful, to become a mother!

I'm not a fan of One Direction so forgive me in using this picture for my next brouhaha.

It is like this, I usually include myself to a group of friends which has fancy names. During my high school days, I belonged myself to a group simply called "Cool Friends." Then in college, we formed a group called "Fantastic Six" and this was during our thesis-making moments. We playfully write it as F6 something like a key from the computer keyboard (for I have no idea what is its function). As we go along, we became "Fantastic Seven" or "F7" because a good friend became an addition to our circle. I remember we were playing our name as Fantastic Six Plus One. Then for some reasons, we went back to F6. The member of this group consist of myself, then my best friend forever Imelyn Blanco, my best buddy Andrew Quisumbing, my sister Cacai Tandingan, my daughter Charlyn Aranar and my best friend through thick and thin, through highs and lows and through ups and downs Mark Lester Pabilando. Now, my good friends, Adrian Pitel and Mary Melanie Sumaria are also included in this circle. A good friend, Sherry Mae Santos, also became part of our circle.

For our traditions, we celebrate our birthdays with Kenneth being the first and Chacha being the last. We always have the "German Moreno-ish" style of birthday celebration, Mark's birthday and yours truly. And the yearly PAMORNINGAN, in which we watch any Metro Manila Film Festival movie (we always choose Resorts World Manila) and then we eat at someplace until the next morning comes.

Then when I got to Ann Arbor Montessori Learning Center, I became part of another friendship circle and this consist of my best buddy Andrew (aside from being classmates in college, we used to be colleagues in AAM), my brother-from-another-mother Yuan, his wife and my soul sister Leelyput (Lyrize as her real name), my professor friend Chris (which we lovely call Tarroching), my beautiful sister Theresa, my powerful and inspiring friend Julie Girl, my sexy kumare Miss Arlene, my lovely friend Ms. Adona, my friendship Ms. Joy, my dear friend for keeps Alexia (Rachel as her real name), the dancer and Canada girl Sidiney (Sydney as her real name) and my dear brother Sir Phil. We call ourselves Teacherrifics due to the fact that we're teachers and at the same time, terrific. It all started when myself, Lyrize, Alexia, Andrew and Sir Phil went to then newly-opened Starbucks Coffee near the Presentation of the Child Jesus Church in BF Homes. Originally, we were meant to be called "Mondayrrifics;" back then when we usually go out on a Monday night! Then the whole thing started when we went to Ms. Adona's house (a story no need to retell) one Monday night then it became Teacherrifics.

Within our group, we also came up with certain groups. The group of Ms. Arlene, Ms. Adona, Theresa and Julie Girl with the lovely Ms. Angie was back then circle of friends. Andrew somehow comes with them during his first year of teaching at AAM. Then, I involved myself to the group which by the way, we're not yet really considered as a group. Then Yuan, Andrew and myself started another group called Ze MOA Boys, with Alexia as the one who gave us the name. She was also our "honorary" member due to the fact that she frequently comes with us. The name came from SM Mall of Asia because before, we frequent the mall to unwind, until the wee hours of the morning. Then based on the photo above, a new set of group is being formed as Midnight Memories. It started only this year when the Anots, myself and Andrew went to someplace (okay, Resorts World Manila and the usual Starbucks Coffee) and had some fun during the midnight. We were not sentimental nor nostalgic about our pasts but we just wanted to have good memories during midnight.

They are not only my barkada, they are my brothers and sisters. So no "friendship overs."

And here they are:

The Fantastic Six with Adrian and Melai (honorary members???)

The Teacherrifics

"A strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation, doesn't always need togetherness, as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part."

I may not be the best friend you can have, or I may be your worst friend but I will not fail you. There are moments in which I will but I'm trying my best to fix it, because hands down, you are my dear friend. Here in my heart and everybody knows that you'll be very special no matter what happens. We may have shortcomings, or even the worst fights that may prolong to over a month or even a year, it's only just a phase.

Hey bro, these are my brouhahas!!! Hope you like them!!!

Toodles!!!

(photos courtesy of Google, my Facebook account and Melai Sumaria's Facebook account as well...)

The Original Brouhahas of Ziegrey Oris-Balota

Hello... It's me!

Sounds like Adele...

Well, I wanted to return on how I really write my brouhahas. Short-pieced anecdotes about what and how I feel as of the moment. And I'm ready...

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Last Friday, I watched "A Second Chance," a film by Cathy Garcia-Molina with John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo. It was the sequel of "One More Chance" shown way back 2007. For the first film, they were only boyfriend-girlfriend relationship which had a turbulent situation of breaking up, moving on, and hoping for another rekindling love. Well, they did and that's how their second film happened. This time, they were already husband-and-wife tandem, which had shown again its ups and downs. Including their dreams which were not achieved: dream house, family, famous engineering and architecture firm and a happy marriage. Then suddenly, an idea popped out on my mind; just like Popoy's mindset, "what if?" 

What if I got married, I have my partner with me, sleeping beside me but looking at the other side of the coin, why am I sleeping with this person right next to me? What if our compiled dreams that we both planned did not pursue, or worst did not happen? What if that person is not really who is suited for you? What if we don't need to get married? Then a one-liner said by the character of Janus del Prado awakened me, "duwag ka kasi!"

Indeed, marriage is not simply wearing a traje de boda and celebrating with fabulous wedding concepts and of course, love. Marriage is a sacrament and it needs to be amplified every day as possible! There may be different ways, possibly a million or even billions of ways, of making marriage as strong as possible but no couple wouldn't define it. It's because each couple has a different way of making their marriage successful. Before stepping in and before saying "I do!" you have to be a million percent of preparedness because a new chapter will soon begin and it will end for you have no idea when.

Soon enough, if it's allowable and at the same time all people think about love as same as how we look at it.

________________________________________________________________

Before, I wanted to vote Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago to become our country's next president since Davao City Mayor Rodrigo Duterte didn't want to run (for his own good but vague reasons). In all presidentiables that we have, only Senator Miriam has the edge. But when Mayor Digong announced that he was (finally) about to run, apologies are on table but my vote will definitely for him.

Since his pronouncement, lots of criticisms were thrown to him including the famous cursing to the Pope in which according to some, media had hyped the issue but not the entire speech he made during his proclamation soiree at a hotel in Manila. Another was when he announced to the whole world that he was a "womanizer." Indeed, that's not cool but as a modern Filipino with a matured mind (sort of), why should I delve that issue to his beautifully-recorded leadership in the city of Davao. Another famous issue about Mayor Digong was the merciless justice of killing criminals. I highly doubt that he will put justice to his hand without even deciding about it. Unless otherwise to those criminals who don't need some trials. 

Then a colleague asked me about my announcement (wow!) that I'll vote for Duterte: "Why are you going to vote for him?" She was really skeptical about Duterte and with the issues encircling him was I guess her proof to me not to vote. I just answered simply, "It's because of his leadership."

I haven't been to Davao City. I can only attest through observations about the people, the city itself and the stories of Davaoenos. Indeed, they are very proud of their city. We're not sure if Mayor Digong can make the Philippines like Davao City but let's see. 

And most probably, we should learn as Filipinos not to fully depend our lives to the government. It's their responsibility to govern us, but we also have our own responsibility with each other and within ourselves.

#Duterte2016

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I cherish every moment when some of my students and former students ask help for their projects, thesis and papers. I also love how they ask me to recommend them for their on-the-job training, or for their very first work. With that, I pray for them that soon they will be at their very successful careers in whatever endeavor they wanted to.

Others, they blame you why they flunked with their studies. Obviously, these are some students in which they put the blame to their professors and these are some students which they are very careless with their studies. There is one good example: my former student who keeps on harassing and threatening me why I failed him in our subject. This is his premise: I told him that his grade was okay. As a student, I shouldn't just make it cool that my grade will be okay. Of course, I need to work harder for my next set of studies. As a disclaimer to this situation, I said "okay" to him because his midterm grade is "passed." Now, I don't know how he took it. 

He was now asking me why I failed him. And there are obvious reason that I showed him. Now, if he still doesn't understand it, it's not my problem anymore.

And those are the kinds of students which I have no idea about their future. Especially those students who just come to school to do nothing and not doing their responsibility which is to study and be somebody. Going back to my students who are asking for recommendation letters and help for their thesis, I would love to see them growing, acting and succeeding. And with those success, I would brag myself that a part of theirs is me.

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There is another anecdote that I wanted to write but instead, I'll put it in some series of haiku.

Someone has returned

And it is not really cool

Afraid to see it

Two hands intertwined

One heart's calmly demolished

The eyes will just close

I wanted to cry

But my heart doesn't allow

So it means I'm fine

Did you even see

That I'm truly existing

Or just normal thing

It's another scene

This shall pass, yes I should know

But what if, what if

________________________________________________________________

Thank you for spending a little amount of time reading!

Toodles!

Happy Thoughts! Happy Thoughts! Happy Thoughts!

That's my mantra for tonight!

By the way, hello and this is my blogsite, which the last time I wrote here was barely four (4) months ago, and it was all about my predicament. Now, I'm shouting and singing in my mind "happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts!"

Prior to this, my former student showered me with threatening messages. I will not delve much to the messages but it was too much endearing! Now, a new semester came and new set of students are coming along. I don't know what's going to happen but I'm still looking forward for a brighter, better and more memorable semester, unlike the last one. As what I will imply, "MAKE THIS SECOND SEMESTER BETTER THAN YOUR LAST!"

And he wanted me to report because I made his life miserable. I always do this: as much as possible, I shouldn't make the life of someone become miserable because I am not entitled to do that, because we have this word: KARMA. At the same time, he was bickering me with so much drama. Without him knowing, he's making it more complicated. Oh well, I just wanted this to forget and pray for my former student to have an enlightenment in his heart (as much as I wanted to understand him).

My good friend and I are now in the state of coldness because I failed one of his agenda. I just don't understand that I am not a friend here but part of the "agenda." The mistake is I don't have budget. But it was blown out of proportion (well, it's me don't worry). The only thing that I wanted is understanding. Understanding the situations each of his friends have. But, with thinking of happy thoughts, I still want this to end and come up again refreshed.

This is the "nth" time I failed to come to my dream place, Baguio City. At 28, I still don't know what kind of a place Baguio is. But I know soon enough, if given another chance to have a vacation I'll go there and explore, with or without (hopefully) someone to come with.

I am getting bored on what I am doing. I am pushing myself to do more but I guess my "teaching" skills are becoming wear and tear. Every time I listen to music, read books, engage to conversations, react to different issues, watch films and videos, and experience what life is, I want to put them into creative writing. Just a little bit of push, probably I'll be there. I wanted to become creative but I am scared, though criticisms will teach me! Anytime soon, I'll claim it!

Happy thoughts!!! Happy thoughts!!! I just wanted to fill my mind with happy thoughts!!!

Because I deserve to be happy and have a happy life, no matter what!!!

Toodles!!!

Nagtatanong Pa Rin Kung Bakit?

Hindi po ito isang maikling kuwento o titulo ng isang bagong pelikula na aking sasaliksikin. Hindi rin po ito titulo ng isang tula o isang awit. Isa po itong tanong. Tanong sa mga taong maaaring makapagbigay sa akin ng napakagandang sagot.

Sa loob ng pitong taon ng pagtuturo, ngayon lang ako nakaranas ng sobrang pagod. Maraming bagay kung bakit ako napapagod: pagbiyahe ng halos tatlong oras mula Muntinlupa hanggang Maynila, paggawa ng mga lesson para sa mga estudyante ko, pag-iintindi sa iba't ibang ugali ng mga estudyante pagdating sa pag-aaral, pagsuway sa mga makukulit at walang tigil na kadaldalan ng mga bata, pagsigaw, paghampas sa mesa, pananalita na ng mga masasakit na salita sa mga estudyante para lamang umayos at ang higit sa lahat, ang pagtanggap sa anumang sasabihin ng mga estudyante sa iyo, maganda man, lalo na kung hindi.

Sa hindi mabilang na pagkakataon ay nagalit na naman ako sa isang klase. Ang scenario: binigyan ko sila ng instruction na basahin ang ibinigay kong hand-out tungkol sa Writing Clear and Effective Sentences sa loob ng sampung (10) minuto. Isa na lamang itong pagbabalik-aral dahil siguro nama'y noong sila ay nasa sekundarya o kahit siguro elementarya ay alam na nila kung papaano magsulat ng mga pangungusap. Imbis na mag-aral, nagdadaldalan, naghaharutan, nagsisigawan. Nakailang saway na ako pero tuloy pa rin. Kahit ako'y nagbabasa rin para naman sa aking pag-aaral ng MA. Ngunit wala pa rin. Bilang ganti at para na rin masukat ko ang kanilang "kagalingan," ay nagsagawa ako ng graded recitation. Ganito ang sistema: kung walang masagot, may gradong 0; kung mayroon pero hindi angkop para sa aking tanong, may gradong 60; at kung maganda ang pagkakasagot, may gradong 80. Nagtawag ako ng mga pangalan, walang nakasagot. Ano ang sanhi? Hindi nagbasa. Ano ang dahilan? Nagdadaldalan. O maaaring, wala na silang pakialam kung ano man ang mangyari sa kanila.

Hindi ko na sasabihin kung anong course ang kanilang kinukuha, pero sila'y mga nasa unang taon ng kolehiyo. Take note! KOLEHIYO. Sa pagkakatanda ko noong ako'y nasa unang taon ng kolehiyo ay hindi kami madadaldal, kahit pa nagkaroon na kami ng mga kaibiga't barkada. Gumagawa ako ng mga takda para sa susunod na klase. Pumapasok ako sa klase kahit kalimitan ang aming guro ay hindi nagpapapasok. Iniisip ko ang ipinambayad kong matrikula dahil kailanga'y ito'y mapalitan ng karunungan. Kung ano man ako noon bilang first year college student ay sa tingin ko'y wala namang pinagbago sa ngayon, dahil kung ano ang first year college student noon ay first year college student pa rin ang dapat na i-akto ngayon. Natatandaan ko ang sinabi ng aking kasamahan sa trabaho na huwag na huwag mabanggit ng mga estudyante ngayon na mayroong generation gap ang mga guro ngayon sa mga kabataan ngayon. Ito lamang ang magandang banat! Ano man ang sabihin mo, at ibato mo, estudyante ka pa rin!

Sa loob ng isang linggong pagtuturo ng English Communication Arts and Skills ay ayaw ko tuwing Lunes at Huwebes na ang oras ay mula ika-3 hanggang ika-4 at kalahati ng hapon at ang mga buong araw ng Martes at Biyernes. Ito kasi ang mga araw na walang isang pagkikita namin ay hindi ako magagalit. Ito kasi ang mga araw na kung saan nasisira ang mga gusto kong mangyari para sa klase ko. Ito kasi ang mga araw na kung saan mas gugustuhin pa ng mga estudyante ko ang lumiban sa klase kaysa pumasok. Lunes at Huwebes ng ika-3 hanggang ika-4 na kalahati ng hapon at Martes at Biyernes, na dati'y normal at nakakatuwang mga araw sa aking isang linggo, sa ngayo'y ayaw kong dumarating. Aaminin ko, hindi ako nagpapapasok minsan dahil iniiwasan ko sila. Iniiwasan kong magkasakit. Iniiwasan kong magalit, manigaw at mamahiya! Siguro'y tuwang-tuwa sila dahil hindi ako pumapasok pero sila rin naman ang mawawalan. Siguro'y tuwang-tuwa rin sila na hindi pumapasok sa klase ko ngunit, sila rin naman ang mawawalan.

Ang pinakamasaklap siguro na maaaring magawa sa akin ng mga estudyante ko ay baligtarin kung ano ang tunay na nangyayari! Lalo na't nalalapit na ang pagkakataon kami ay kanilang ie-evaluate sa pamamagitan ng website ng aming pamantasan. Katulad na naman kami ng isang malinis na puting papel na may maliit na dumi. Ang dumi ang magsisilbing dahilan kung bakit may pangit kaming marka mula sa kanila, na sa tingin ko'y hindi nila nakikita kung ano ang mga puti na nasa papel. Para siguro sa ibang estudyanteng napagalitan ko, napahiya ko, nabulyawan ko, at naibagsak ko (raw), mabibigyan ako ng mababang marka. Mangilan-ngilan lang siguro ang magbibigay na tamang grado. Wala kasi silang pakialam sa nararamdaman ng kanilang guro. Para sa kanila, ang importante'y maging masaya lalo na kung kasama ang kanilang mga kaibigan.

Eh siraulo ka pala eh, binibigyan mo kami ng sakit ng ulo! Una sa lahat, bakit ka pa nag-aaral kung ang nais mo lang pala eh masarap na buhay! Maghanap ka ng punong namumunga, humiga ka doon at hintayin mong mahulog sa iyo ang inaasam mong bunga! Ibig sabihin, maghintay ka ng milagro sa buhay mong paibaba ang pagbugso! Nagsasayang ka lang ng halos isandaang-libong-pisong pangmatrikula mo! Huwag na huwag mong isusumbat sa amin na kung hindi dahil sa binabayaran mong matrikula ay hindi kami sumusuweldo! Kung nakakaintindi ka lang ng patakaran ng mga eskuwelahan o pamantasan pagdating sa pasuweldo ay malamang, sumuko ka! Wala ka talagang pakialam kahit ang iba sa ami'y napapagod na sa pagdala ng mga bag, paggawa ng mga leksyon para sa inyo at paggising ng pagka-aga-aga para lamang pasukan ang klase ninyo!

Okay! Nadala lang ako sa aking matinding emosyon.

Pasensya na kung may mga masasaktan o may mga matatamaan. Kung tutuusin, nag-ugat lamang ito sa walang tigil kong pangungunsinte at paninigaw sa mga estudyante ko.

Sa loob ng pitong taon sa pagtuturo, nais ko munang magpahinga bago man ito maging walo. Pero paano kung ito talaga ang nakasanayan kong propesyon. Paano ako makakalipat ng industriya? Mayroon kayang malapit-lapit na propesyon o industriya sa pagtuturo? Hindi ako si Superman na malakas! Sa totoo lang, nakakapagod!

National Teacher's Month pa man din pero ito ang nararamdaman ko. Maliit, nababastos.

Nagtatanong pa rin ako kung bakit ganito?

Toodles!!!