Si Dodong, Ang Taong Nabubuhay sa Mundo ng Mga What-Ifs

Si Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan) ay laging naglalakad papasok sa kanyang trabaho at pauwi sa kanyang bahay. Habang naglalakad siya ay lagi siyang nag-iisip ng mga bagay na sa tingin, what if kung nangyari nga naman ang mga iyun. Tipong wala naman sa kamay niya at sa buhay niya, pero ninanais niyang mapasakamay ito. Magmula pa noong bata siya ay lagi niyang ginagawa ito hanggang sa na-develop na sa pagkatao niya ang ganitong klaseng behavior. Minsan, kinakausap niya ang sarili niya. Minsan rin naman, nagsusulat siya sa isang pirasong papel ng kung ano ang naiisip niya. Pero lagi niyang ginagawa ang mag-isip kapag naglalakad. Para kay Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), bukod sa paglalakad as exercise, nakakapag-isip na rin siya ng mga bagay na tungkol sa mga what-ifs

Maraming mga what-ifs na siyang naisip, tulad na lamang na what if siya ang nanalo sa lotto ng mahigit kumulang 700 million pesos? Ang gagawin niya raw, sa 700 million pesos na makukubra niya, kukuha siya ng 10 million at ibibigay niya sa sampung simbahang pinakapaborito niyang dasalan. Makakapag-aral na rin siya sa pinapangarap niyang eskuwelahan. Dahil nga may pera na siya, mayroon na siyang dahilan para mag-aral doon. Makakapunta na rin siya sa mga dream vacations niya like Cebu, Palawan, Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, China, Singapore, Dubai, Paris, London, Greece, Italy at New York. Kahit yung mga lugar na tipong hindi naman puntahin, pupuntahan niya katulad na lamang ng South Africa, Moscow at Brazil. Makakabili na rin siya ng mga inaasam niyang gadgets, tulad ng bagong-bagong iPhone 5, MacBook Air at iPad para sa kanya, kapatid niya at pati na rin sa mga kaibigan niyang umaasam din nito. Makakabili na rin siya ng isang bahay sa loob ng Ayala Alabang o sa Magallanes Village na kailangan 4 bedrooms, malaking garden at may swimming pool. Bibili rin siya as investment and business na rin ng isang condominium unit sa Makati at ipapa-rent niya ito if not sa mga foreigners, puwede na rin sa mga high society individuals ng bansa. At higit sa lahat, makakabili na rin siya ng top of the line na mga sasakyan tulad ng Hummer H3, Mitsubishi Montero Sport at isang sedan na if not Audi ay Jaguar. The rest of his money, ilalagay niya sa mga malalaking bangkong matatag at ang kalahati, ibibigay niya sa kanyang mga magulang.

Isang araw naglakad naman siya pauwi sa kanilang bahay. What if kung siya ay may katungkulan sa kanyang pinagtatrabahuan ngayon? Hindi naman naisip ni Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan) na maghangad ng napakataas na katungkulan pero paano nga kung may ganoon siya? Ang una niyang gagawin ay pag-aaralan ang mga pros and cons ng nature ng kanilang trabaho. Ano ba'ng mahirap? Ano ba'ng madali? At higit sa lahat, ipapadama niya sa kanyang mga subordinates kung paano makinig sa lahat. Hindi porke't mayroon siyang katungkulan ay ilalagay na raw niya ito sa kanyang utak! Walang mataas o maliit o malaking trabaho sa isang korporasyon dahil pare-pareho naman kayong pinapasuweldo ng may-ari. Papakinggan niya ang both sides, maganda man o pangit at saka siya gagawa ng paraan para resolbahin ang problema. May pagkakataong sigurong may makakabangga siya dahil sa may hindi pagkakaunawaan pero magpapakapropesyonal siya dahil alam naman niyang part iyon ng kanilang trabaho. Kung siya naman ang may-ari ng kompanya, katulad rin ng nauna, matututo siya makinig sa kanyang mga empleyado. Hindi yung lagi na lang siyang magsasabi ng "bahala na!" or "o sige!" Wala raw mangyayari kung ganoon.

Habang nakahiga si Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan) sa kanyang kama ay bigla na naman siyang nag-isip. What if kung siya ang pinili ng taong pinakamamahal niya at hindi iba? Sinubukan niya noong una pero hindi siya pinayagan dahil para sa kanya raw, hindi puwede at hindi tama. Pero kung sakali lang na pinayagan siya, hindi niya dadaanin sa mabilisang paraan, yung tipong nagkapalagayan lang kayo ng loob eh kayo na. Yung tipong naghawakan lang ng kamay, "on" na agad! Magba-back to basics raw siya, liligawan niya ang babaeng pinakamamahal niya; magbibigay siya ng bulaklak, tsokolate, teddy bear, the likes! Ihahatid niya pauwi, susunduin niya galing sa bahay. Lagi niyang kakamustahin kung masaya ba siya o hindi? At higit sa lahat, lagi niya raw patatawanin ito na tipong magiging walang katapusan ang kanilang tawanan. Kapag dumating raw ang pagkakataong sinagot na siya ng babaeng pinakamamahal niya, ang unang-unang gagawin niya ay ipapakilala niya ito sa kanyang mga magulang. Para kasi kay Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), ang pagpapakilala sa magulang ang sukatan na siya na nga at sila na nga para sa isa't isa. At ang lagi niyang testing sa kanyang girlfriend, patience. Titingnan niya kung hanggang saan ang pasensya ng babaeng pinakamamahal niya. Kung darating man ang pagkakataon na magiging long distance ang kanilang relationship, gagawin niya lahat, kahit isang minuto lang silang mag-usap, o kahit isang tweet o message sa Facebook, magkatagpo man ang kanilang mga puso. Maniniwala raw sila na kahit malayo sila sa isa't isa, kaya nila basta't walang kakalas at lalakas pa! Pero bigla siyang parang naalimpungatan dahil nangangarap lang pala siya.

Habang naglalakad siya sa loob ng isang napakalaking mall, bigla na naman nag-isip si Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), what if kung lahat ng mga damit, sapatos at bag na nakikita niya ay bagay sa kanya? In fairness naman dito kay Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), may sense din naman sa fashion. Hindi naman siya laging sumusunod sa uso, basta ang importante, comfortable siya sa mga damit na naisusuot niya. May nakita siyang magandang jacket, dahil may pera naman daw siya galing sa napanalunan niyang 700 million pesos sa lotto, ay bibilhin niya ito at gagamitin niya ito kapag papasok siya sa trabaho niya. May nakita siyang magandang barong, bibilhin niya ito at gagamitin niya sa mga formal gatherings tulad ng graduation o puwede na ring Linggo ng Wika celebration. May nakita siyang coat, at since kasya naman raw sa kanya bibilhin niya ito at gagamitin rin sa mga formal functions tulad ng mga awards night at kung anu-ano pa. May nakita siyang magandang polo, bibilhin niya ito at isusuot sa pinagtatrabahuan niya. May nakita siyang magandang cardigan, bibilhin niya at ipapatong niya sa polo with matching necktie pa na maganda rin kaya't bibilhin niya ito. May nakita siyang magandang sapatos, isusukat niya at bibilhin dahil alam niyang bagay daw ito sa kanya. May nakita siyang maganda at mamahalin na bag, bibilhin niya raw iyun hindi dahil mahal at maganda, dahil gagamitin niya papasok sa trabaho. Simple lang naman ang gusto ni Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), ang maging presentable saan man siya pumunta.

What if naman daw kung ikakasal siya? Ano magiging hitsura ng kanilang dream wedding? tanong niya sa sarili niya habang nagsisimba. Naging part na rin ng wedding entourage si Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan) pero never niyang naisip na kung siya naman kaya ang ikakasal? Dahil may paniniwala si Dodong na dapat lalaki ang gumagastos sa kasal at dahil nga may 700 million pesos naman siya, gagawin niya iyun para lamang sa babaeng pinakamamahal niya. Ang fiance na raw niya ang bahala sa lahat, sa motif o theme ng kasal, sa wedding gown ng kanyang bride-to-be at mga bridesmaids, reception, simbahan at lahat-lahat basta siya ang sasagot dahil para kay Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), para sa babae ang kasal. Ito na raw yata siguro ang pinakamagandang regalong puwedeng ibigay ng isang lalaking nagmamahal sa babae, well, bukod pa raw sa singsing na simbolo ng kanilang pagmamahalan. At habang naglalakad ang kanyang pinakamamahal sa aisle, pareho silang kumakanta ng "I See The Light" mula sa pelikulang Tangled. Naniniwala kasi silang dalawa raw na sila ang liwanag ng kanilang buhay. Kung wala sila, madilim ang sasapit sa kanilang buhay. Kumbaga raw, hindi lang nila mahal ang isa't isa, may tiwala sila sa isa't isa, at ang tiwalang iyun ang magsisilbing liwanag nila sa kanilang pagsasama. At tatapusin nila ang kanilang wedding ceremony sa pamamagitan ng isang matinding kiss! Sabay yakap at sabay tawa ng malakas! Para daw kasi sa kanila, comedy ang pagmamahalan, huwag raw dapat seryosohin.

Recent lang naisip ni Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan) ito, what if kung makakausap niya si Hesus at magtatanong siya sa Kanya? Habang nasa simbahan si Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), napatitig siya sa crucifix kung saan nakapako ang ating Panginoong Hesukristo. Bigla siyang napaluhod at sabay nagtanong, "masasagot Niyo ho ba ako sa mga itatanong ko sa Inyo? Katulad na lamang kung bakit may mga taong naghihirap at may mga taong masasaya? Bakit kailangan magsinungaling? Bakit kailangang mangako kung hindi naman pala kayang gawin? Bakit may mga bagay na hindi nakukuha ng iba at napupunta ito sa iba? Bakit may mga taong nag-aaway, may dahilan man o wala?" Nagulat na lamang siya dahil biglang sumagot si Hesus, sabay nagtanong. "Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), bakit puro ka tanong?" "Panginoon, gusto ko pong malaman ang lahat ng sagot Ninyo sa lahat ng mga katanungan ng taong katulad ko na sumasamba sa Inyo!" "Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), walang mahirap o madaling tanong sa Akin. Lahat ng iyan ay masasagot Ko. Yun nga lang, may mga panahon tayong kailangan nating hintayin bago mo malaman at mapatunayan ang lahat!" "Panginoon, sana po ay makabalik na Kayo!" "Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), makakabalik Ako sa iyo, at sa iyong Puso! Ang dapat mo lang na gawin ay gumawa nang naaayon sa iyong buhay at higit sa lahat, mapatawad ang lahat ng mga nagkasala sa iyo, katulad na lamang ng ginagawa ng Aking Ama sa Langit!" Sabi niya, ang sarap sa pakiramdam! Sana totoo! Sumagot ulit si Hesus, "lahat ay puwedeng magkatotoo. Sa Kanya, walang imposible!"

Napaisip si Dodong (hindi niya tunay na pangalan), oo nga raw! Bakit niya raw kailangang mabuhay sa mundong puro palaisipan at kathang-isip lamang kung siya mismo ang gagawa ng paraan para mangyari ito. Sa lotto, kahit alam naman niyang imposible, puwede naman siyang yumaman sa pamamagitan ng pagtatrabaho ng mahusay at sa pagiging diskarte, katulad na lamang ng ginagawa ng iba. Kung siya ay magiging mahusay at propesyonal sa kanyang trabaho, tiyak na magkakaroon siya ng katungkulan ni minsan hindi niya maisip na pagkakatiwalaan siya. Kumbaga kapit lang! Marami pa naman raw babae diyan na puwede niyang pag-alayan ng kanyang pag-ibig, so bakit kailangan niya pang maghintay. Hindi naman raw siya nagmamadali bagkus, naniniwala siya na "good things come to those who patiently waits!" Hindi rin naman raw nasusukat sa ganda ng damit, sa ganda ng sapatos o sa ganda ng bag ang katayuan at hitsura ng isang tao. Kahit sa pinakasimple naman raw na damit, kung kaya mong dalhin, babagay raw ito sa iyo. Kung darating man ang pagkakataon na makakasal siya, kahit iyun na ang pinakasimpleng kasal na mangyayari sa kanila, ay okay na rin; ang importante natuloy ang isa sa mga pinaka-milestone ng kanilang pagsasama, ang pag-iisang dibdib nila! At kahit kailan, kahit saan at kahit anong paraan, puwede nating makausap si Hesus at instantly, sasagutin ka Niya!

Sabi ni Dodong habang naglalakad pauwi sa kanilang bahay, naku tama na raw ang pag-iisip dahil nakakastress daw! Isipin niyong naisip niya iyun! Natigil na rin siya sa pagtira sa mundong puro what-ifs, dahil ang what-if ay tama, kathang isip lamang!

Toodles, Dodong (finally, na-accept na rin niya ang pangalang iyan!)

The Operation About A Year Ago

It has been a year when our whole family experienced what could have been the greatest lesson for us. It was also the first time that we became as one, together with our family friends and relatives, to just give one prayer for my mom who faced her very first operation. It was not only a simple one but a very medical one, which was why we were so happy and totally grateful for all the people who had done their part praying for a full and quick recovery of my mom. It has been a year and I still remember the tears, the stories and even the laughter we shared as a family. Since it was done, I have the courage to tell you what really happened.

Last year was our saddest when my mother faced a very challenging one and it is about her health. I never thought at first that my mom would have that. I really knew my mom that she was very healthy and strong, though a bit heavy in her weight. But with what happened to her last year was the least thing I could think of to us as a family when her health became deteriorating.

This would be the very first time I'll be telling to you about what happened to her and what happened to us as a family. April of 2011 when she felt something in her body. She felt, right after our Visita Iglesia, a different kind of tiredness on her body. The very next day, she became too weak. I still remember we went to Shopwise in Alabang just to have some groceries. We even had a little fight inside of our car about money. Maybe, because of too much thinking on her problems and the problems of our family, she had that kind of weakness, an unusual unlike others. There was a time that while she and my brother were going home from our village chapel, she unknowingly fell down on the road. The guys from the store quickly hurried to my mom, and told us that she was actually sleeping while walking. There were also moments that it was nearing midnight when we went to the emergency room of Medical Center Muntinlupa just to check her because she was not feeling well. Good thing that the doctors assisted her and gave her medicines. May of 2011 was the first worst month for all of us.

This was the month when she felt her weakness more deteriorating and excruciating. It was my first day of school when I received some continuous phone calls from my sister. I wasn't able to answer some of her calls because of so many things to be done at school. By the time I checked all of the messages from her, I read one message in which it was too controversial. Her message wrote that my mom was able to admit at the Asian Hospital due to her weakness. Earlier that morning, she wasn't able to get up from the bed and she was also having a hard time preparing herself. It was the time when we had our fiesta and we guessed that she was really tired. We even asked an albularyo to see if my mom was being played by some elves or engkantos in our backyard and front yard. One doctor from the hospital suggested if my mom could undergo an CT scan, checking her head. Then the next news is the worst news I had ever received in my entire life.

My sister told me through the phone that there was a tumor seen near her left ear. After I heard that, I screamed and even my co-teacher heard me. I rushed to my best buddy, Kenneth telling about this whole thing. I told him also that this was the very first time that my mom would have this. I also told this to my other friend, Ms. Arlene and she gave me a quick remedy of thinking positive beyond that news. At that time, because I heard the word "tumor," I thought that probably, my mom has cancer but my friends did tell me that not all tumors can become cancerous. This was also the time that I became too prayerful to Him, asking Him forgiveness and blessing us with courage and determination in facing this trial. I was looking at my father; he doesn't know what to do. I was also looking to my brother, he even asked my mom if she was about to die. I was looking and talking to my sister because she was the one dealing with all of the doctors in the hospital. By the time I was about to meet my mom, she told me that I must not cry and I must not show what I feel to my mom. I did but inside of me, I was really crying.

I was eagerly listening to the explanation of the doctors about her condition. Her condition was a tumor near her ear and the size of it was like a golf ball. Another issue in her head was a hydrocephalus. There was a water inside of her brain that was why she was always feeling sleepy and her balance does not work good. The only thing to be done on her was the removal of the tumor and putting a shanting inside of her brain to drain away the liquid that was formed inside of it. We would really want to know if that's a case of brain cancer, or a brain tumor or whatsoever. After that, we decided that my mom should be admitted just until she became better. We stayed at the hospital for four days and afterwards, we went home already. I was really crying, that was one of the greatest cries I've done and the reason is my family. It was also the time that I started asking favors for St. Jude, thanks to my dear friend, Juanito. At school, prayers were all pouring for my mom. At our community, prayers were also pouring down for her. I am so happy because we really knew who were our friends.

I thought she was already okay when the night after the day she went home, she again felt weakness and this time, it was really not okay. My two sisters and my father rushed her to the nearest hospital and our family doctor suggested to us that she should again admit. Same brand of medicines were given to my mom and she was needed to take it just to ease the pain she felt. Mother's Day of last year was also considered to be our loneliest because we were celebrating it while my mother was in deep pain. Good thing because she was not like the others who were bedridden, comatose and 50-50 of chances. Good thing because we could still talk to her and she could still talk to us. But one Sunday, I really felt how my mother was really helpless in her condition. My sister and our family friend were talking in front of her and all she had to do was to listen. I saw her how sad her eyes were; the very first time I saw that to her. But indeed, she was truly a fighter. She even said to us and to her doctors that she was not really afraid of dying. And that's the courage I really wanted to possess.

And the big day came, it was September 19, 2011, Monday. I was supposed to go to the Philippine General Hospital but my sisters allowed me to go to school. My mind was not really with my students and with the school (last year, we were celebrating our Foundation Day) because I was thinking about my mom's operation. She told us that when the time she was about to get prepped for the operation, what she remember was, she was lying on the operation table and she slept. Maybe it was the time that the anesthesia was already taking effect on her body. I kept on praying and sending messages to my sisters on how was she. She undergone operation for 6 hours, removing the tumor in her right ear near her brain, and gladly it was a success. After the operation, she went straight to the Intensive Care Unit of PGH, and again, thanks God, she was easily awakened and a bit nosy to some of the nurses. After a few hours, she was getting ready to move to her private room. For just one day, the operation went fast, smooth and good, thanks to the doctors!

The following day after her operation, I, together with my co-teachers and students, went to Showtime to watch together. I was very happy because they chose me to represent our institution for the batian portion of the show. After greeting all of the people from our school, I wholeheartedly dedicated one message to my mom, saying "pagaling ka, Ma!" It was not an accidental, not an ad lib whatever; it really came from my heart from a son in which she knew that I don't have everything caring to much for her for just a simple message saying she should get well! After that, I went to the hospital to check on her and happily she could already speak but not on a complete detail and sentence. Going home, Kuya Bong and I said our rosary and thanked God for the greatness and intelligence he gave to the doctors and nurses and for the courage he gave to my Mom!

She stayed at the hospital for one week for a full recovery and then it was really good because as the day passes, her health became better and better. We had high hopes that her health are in good state and it was! Even though PGH is considered a government hospital, the doctors are the best. One example of their best is  what have they done to my mom. Her last day was Sunday and she was really excited to see home. Lots of her friends went straight to our home just to visit her and of course, dedicated a prayer and sweet message to her. There were moments of crying, but it was all paid off with fun and laughter since our family and my mom is known to be like that.

Now, it has been a year and Mama is absolutely and gorgeously fine. She went back to her doctors and they said to my Mom that it seems that nothing had happened on her. And now, because of those things, she is taking good care of her body. Nothing is great if you are very, very healthy! My family may have faced a challenge that could possibly change our views and our lives, still we were all intact as one. I am so proud of my family, with or without problems we are one big HAPPY FAMILY!

"A family in harmony will prosper in everything." - Chinese Proverb

Toodles!

It's Always A Good Time

Habang nagsusulat ako ay pinakikinggan ko ang kanta nila Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen entitled Good Time. Ito dapat ang isasayaw ng mga anak namin na Grade 4 for the Field Demonstration, pero masyadong mabagal at hindi rin bagay for calisthenics. Na-share ko lang, from the song itself kailangan nga talaga na sa halos araw-araw na pamumuhay, your life should always be a good time. Ang sarap kayang mamuhay kapag wala kang kaaway, wala kang iniisip na negative vibes at lalong wala kang iniindang sakit (ano pang klaseng sakit yan!).

Hindi ko alam kung ano itong nararamdaman ko. May mga nakikita akong pictures, posts at kung anuman sa Facebook and then bigla akong nakaramdam ng inggit sa kanila. Buti pa sila masaya, buti pa sila okay, buti pa sila magkabati, buti pa sila nag-uusap, buti pa sila importante sa isa't isa. Buti pa sila, nakukuha nilang ngumiti pero may mga taong katulad siguro mo, or puwede ring katulad ko na parang hindi kumpleto, hindi masaya, hindi okay at may hindi pagkakaintindihan. Walang pansinang nagaganap, walang imikang nagaganap at may mga pagkakataong isnaban, at iwasan na rin. Now, do you still think that you have a good time?

Minsan rin talaga kailangan mong bumaba sa pedestal mo, meaning kailangan mong magpakumbaba at babaan pa lalo ang pride. Pero minsan, kailangan mo ring lumaban. Kapag mahina ka, of course talo ka! Kung lagi mo na lang pababayaan ang mga pangyayaring sa totoo lang ay ayaw mo, talong-talo ka! Pero bakit nga ba nangyayari ang mga ganitong bagay. Totoo nga bang dahil lang hindi mo maintindihan ang isa, or hindi kayo magkaintindihang dalawa kaya kayo magkaaway at hindi magkabati? Now, do you still think that you have a good time?

Sa ngayon, may nararamdaman ako sa aking katawan. Nakakatakot man pero hindi ko alam kung ano ito. Natatakot din ako na baka kung ano na pala ito, hindi ko pa alam pero malala na. Huwag naman sana. Pero kung may sakit kaya ako, may makakaalala kaya sa akin? May magte-text kaya sa akin ng "pagaling ka?" "Kamusta ka na?" "Ayos ka lang ba?" "Okay ka lang ba?" "Pasok ka na bukas ha! Pagaling ka na!" Eh paano kung wala. Yung tipong pinababayaan ka at hindi ka na lang din iniinda kasi nga naman, sino ka sa buhay nila di ba? Now, do you still think that you have a good time?

Ayaw ko sa mga taong hindi tinutupad ang mga ipinangako nila. Ayoko rin sa mga taong nagpapaasa, yung mga taong papangakuan ka ng ganito, ng ganyan pero at the end of the day, wala naman talaga. Yung alam mong may ine-expect ka na isang bagay pagkatapos wala. May mga pagkakataon rin naman ako na mahilig din akong mangako pero hindi ko natutupad at masakit pala yun. Nangako ako sa mga students ko ng prize para sa kanilang English Campaign, pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin natutupad. Ano kayang nararamdaman nila, katulad rin kaya ng nararamdaman ko ngayon? Yung parang neglected ka, unimportant ka at higit sa lahat, "who are you?" ang drama sa iyo. Now, do you still think that you have a good time?

Naisulat ko na ito sa aking mahal na mahal na purple notebook, at hanggang doon na lang yun. Ayaw ko rin naman itong ginagawa ko dahil puro ka-bitter-an itong lahat. Kumbaga, naglalabas lang ng sama ng loob at init na rin ng ulo. Pero hindi ako galit, ayaw kong magalit dahil madadalian ang buhay ko, at tatanda ako agad-agad. Ang gusto ko lang ay magkaroon ng masayang pamumuhay. Sana lahat na lang masaya! Sana lahat na lang nakukuha agad-agad na hindi na dapat nahihirapan. Yung tipong nandiyan na lang, wala ng kailangan pang gawin: pipila pa ng pagkahaba-haba, maghihintay ng napakatagal, magsusulat ng pagkadami-dami ng mga pangalan, address, signature at kung ano-ano pa.

Kung alam niyo lang kung paano ko pahalagahan ang lahat ng mga taong nakapalibot sa akin at ang mga bagay na pagmamay-ari ko. Ganoon ko ito kamahal pero minsan rin may mga pagkakataong nakakaramdam ka ng parang tine-take advantage ka na. Yung tipong ginagamit ka na, yung nandiyan sa tabi mo pero may kailangan pala. Nandiyan sa tabi mo kasi kailangan pala ng kausap. Hindi naman ako bagay para gamitin pero nakakaramdam ka ng ganoong klase. Dahil ba dito, kailangan ko ng magbago? Kailangan kong baguhin ang pakikitungo ko sa lahat ng tao? Kailangan ko bang magpakabait just to please everyone? Kailangan ko bang ngumiti lagi kahit deep inside nasasaktan ka na? Kailangan ba "always a good time?"

I just wanted one day to wake up on a right side of the bed, yung umaga pa lang masaya ka na. Inspired kang pumasok sa trabaho o sa school. Masaya kang nagtatrabaho o nag-aaral. Okay ang pakikisama mo sa mga katrabaho mo, kaibigan mo at mga kaklase mo. At higit sa lahat, wala kang inaapakang emotions ng mga tao, yung walang taong nag-iisip sa iyo, o pinag-iisip mo. Sana lahat okay na, ayoko na ng ganito kasi nakakawala ng gana, nakaka-stress at nakakasira ng bangs. Sana wala ng pataasan ng ihi, pataasan ng pride, sana lahat maging humble at maging giving sa lahat ng bagay. Sana lahat bati-bati na para wala ng problema!

Ayoko na ng gulo. Gusto ko sana okay na lahat. Pero hindi rin natin masasabi kasi baka ikaw lang ang may gusto, ang kabilang kampo ang may ayaw. Bakit mo pipilitin ang isang bagay na hindi naman pala bukal sa loob ang peace-making.

Just a little prayer for this predicament is what I want to share:

God, grant me some strength to face all the challenges You're presenting to me. I cannot face these without Your mighty gift of courage. Let me pass all of Your test by doing all of the necessary things in a slow pace, little by little and step by step. And God, after all of these, let me have the best time for my life because I know that this is the only life I have. Every time I have this kind of feeling, shower me with Your love and Your grace. I will always lift your Most Holy Name to all! And I will always love You for the rest of my beautiful life. In Jesus Name, Your Son! Amen!

Sana matapos na ito. Ayoko na, promise! Puwede bati-bati na lahat kasi masaya talaga kapag okay na ang lahat, right?

Toodles!

Underneath The Waves

This is my most favorite song of Hale. Many things are the reason why I love it:

1. The way Champ Lui Pio sang the song, very enigmatic.
2. The melody of the song is really beautiful. It's rock but has a sense of ballad.
3. The meaning of the song really depicts a life of a man loving a woman, whatever happens to the both of them.
4. There are learnings in this song, how to value love with the man or woman you love.

The stars beneath the sky

They tell me you're a secret

And every time I wake up in the morning

Rain is falling down on me

I feel free

You caught me by surprise

I asked you to believe me

Without a lie we'll never have to say and feel we're sorry

Don't say we're sorry

Soon you'll see

I'm learning, I'm learning you now

Stars fading, free falling into you

This time I'm sure what I'm looking for

And that's what I want you to know

And I won't ever let you go, let you go

Underneath the waves

I can feel you, underneath the waves

I'm learning, I'm learning you now

Stars fading, free falling into you

This time I'm sure what I'm looking for
And that's what I want you to know
And I won't ever let you go, let you go

It's all been said and done to me, I know it

Just let me have a chance to prove my cause

And I don't know what lies ahead for us

In any road, I'll let you come my way

This time I'm sure what I'm looking for

And that's what I want you to know

And I won't ever let you go, let you go

And I'm ready for you now

I'm ready for you now

Be ready for me now

Be ready for me now

Show me love

A Very Rainy Sunday

I taught a mistake to somebody about the first day, second day and last day of the week. Since, I am already working, I really thought that Monday is the first day of the week and Sunday becomes the last day since it was known to be a weekend. But the real answer can be found at the calendar, that Sunday is still the first day and Saturday is the last day. I was humiliated with what I had made but I learned from it. Not all things that I know according to what I see and what I feel is correct, you need to understand why is that happening. You need to look over to that situation and know the real point why do you feel that way, a feeling like you don't exist, or not important.

Like for friendship. I may say that when it comes to friendship, there's no such thing as a correct, or perfect or happy kind of friendship. Sometimes, you need to face some trials that will surely test your patience to each other. Trials like trust, love and helpfulness; these things can measure the depth of your friendship. One example would be when the time that you are lost and needing somebody to lean on, there might be a time that the person you were expecting could not be able to go. For instance, busy with work or busy with other things or the issue of forgetfulness might also be the reason why is it happening. Now, a question might flash in your mind, "do I think this person, which is my best friend considers me as an important one?"

In a circle of friends, there are different kinds of personalities. Therefore, in a circle of friends, there are different kinds of friends that you will encounter almost everyday of your lives. One could be a very loyal friend, one could be a very funny friend, a very fashionable friend, a very blatant friend, a very sensitive friend, a very insensitive friend and a very generous friend. Those kinds of personalities can really blend and become a barkada. What should be done for a person belonging to a circle of friend is to accept all of them for who they really are. Not all people are the same, they are made uniquely and strongly so you must accept what they are, what they do and what they have.

My definition of a best friend is he or she is the person you look up most when you feel happy and sad. He or she is the first person that comes to your mind when you deal with problems. He or she is the first person that will greet you when there's a special occasion like birthdays and Christmas. He or she is the first person that knows your deep, dark secrets. And he or she is the person that understands you whatever and whoever you are. I can tell to myself that I am such a loyal best friend and whether you like it or not, I am always at your side in times of trouble. But sometimes, a best friend can forget. A best friend can focus to other things other than you. Yes, it breaks the heart and you might think your best friend does not consider you important. Of course it should not be that way because it is a belief that when you bound to become together as the best of friends, it will never break and it will never stop from its starting point. Just like when you fall in love, it seems that having a best friend also because of the destiny.

I love all of my friends and this writing is about them. I don't know what they're thinking or saying about me but what's important is that they know me too well and they know me too much. We don't a best friend contract for the things you do both and if failed, might lead to fights. It's like this: you both know in your minds and in your hearts that you both consider yourselves as the best of friends. Whether you belong in one group or just the two or three of you, if you love and feel important to each other, that's the best thing God gave you as a gift.

Understand your friends! Have fun with your friends! And most of all, love your friends! They are the best gift God gave you!

Toodles!

The Music of Theresa Hernandez

No, she is not a singer and this is not some kind of a tribute concert or album for her. Last Sunday was her birthday and I will be giving him a long writing about her and about our friendship that is already five years old and still going strong.

This blog post for her is different because gagawin ko itong parang top 10 hit chart ng lahat ng mga kantang kinakanta niya. Probably these songs were heard elsewhere, sa kuwarto niya (with matching kulambo), sa banyo nila, sa school, sa sasakyan at siguro, in front of her students. At ako, magpapaka-DJ or VJ ako just to present to you The Music of Theresa Hernandez (bongga di ba!)

For our number 10, it's Aiza Seguerra's version of Miss You Like Crazy.

I remember noong time na sikat ang movie nila John Lloyd Cruz at Bea Alonzo (which celebrating their 10th anniversary as a love team) na Miss You Like Crazy, kasama niya si Joel (a.k.a. Baby Boy) at sabi niya sa akin that she really loved the version of Aiza Seguerra ng Miss You Like Crazy. And another thing was, medyo nagulantang din raw siya noong napanood niya ang love scene nila John Lloyd at Bea na ginawa nila sa stairs (worried siya sa dalawa kasi hindi raw kaya masakit yun?). And she told me that she really liked the version of Aiza than with Erik Santos (I prefer Erik's). Masarap kasama sa sinehan yang si Theresa, especially kapag bet niya talaga yung movie (local films). Pero isa sa mga pangarap ko na makasama yan sa loob ng sinehan, together with Joel and our other friends ay makapanood kami ng horror film. Sabi niya kasi na baka daw mapanaginipan niya yung napanood. I don't know if it is exaggerated, or talagang matatakutin ang Theresa Hernandez?

For our number 9, it's Wag Mo Na Sanang Isipin by Gary Valenciano and his daughter Kiana

Tanda ko ito noong first time kong sumama sa grupo pa nila noong 2009, ito yung isa sa mga kinanta niya. And si Miss A, sinabi niya sa akin na ito raw si Theresa kapag pumipili ng kanta sa videoke, para siya lang ang nakakaalam. Parang itong kantang 'to. Nalaman ko lang na kanta pala ito ni Gary Valenciano, originally. Pero yung version na ito with his daughter Kiana, napakinggan ko na rin and it's beautiful. Yun nga lang, talagang siya lang ang may alam nitong song na ito.

For our number 8, it's Back Into You by Amber Davis

So far, isa ito sa mga kantang hindi ko maisip na magugustuhan niya. Hindi naman siya kasi masyadong mahilig sa mga foreign artists, sariling atin ang gusto niya. Well, on her first years of teaching sa aming institution, ay naging guro din naman siya sa Filipino kaya siguro, matatas din siyang mag-Tagalog. Nakapagturo na rin siya ng mga subjects na medyo hindi niya forte like Civics (handle niya last year) and take note, my hatest subject, Economics (first year of teaching niya, mantakin niyong hawak niya ang mga Fourth Year). When she looks back to her heydays as new teacher, tuwang-tuwa siyang sine-share sa amin ito, especially the moment that binuhat raw siya ni Sir Patrick for this certain event sa school.

For our number 7 of our list, here's Love Me Like the First Time by Faith Cuneta

Isa lang ito sa mga favorite love songs ng Theresa, in which it became also my favorite. Maganda naman kasi ang pagkakanta ni Faith Cuneta dito sa kantang ito, originally sang by Brenda Starr. First time ko siyang naging close noong first year of teaching ko dito sa amin. Unang kita ko pa lang dito, alam kong magsi-swak kami and good thing na rin because kami ang mag-partners noon sa Grade 5 (Obedient siya, Generous ako). Bigla na lang din kami nag-jive dahil halos laging pareho ang mga naiisip namin for the kids, especially kapag Field Demonstration and Turn-Over Ceremony na. I never thought na magiging magkapatid kami nito on whatever aspects and angles of life pa iyan, mapa-career, love life (paano?), dance steps at of course, fashion sense. Until now, ganyan pa rin kami. Walang pagbabago!

For our number 6 on our list, it's Di Na Mababawi by Spongecola

Ito yung song na unang kong narinig sa kanya na kinakanta niya habang busy kami sa work. She usually de-stressing herself in singing kaya kaming mga kaibigan niya ay well-entertained by her! Pero nakakatuwa rin dahil bukod sa siya bilang entertainer, ay nae-entertain din naman siya sa amin. Ang sarap at ang hinhin ng tawa niyan, laging tinatakpan ang bibig, masyadong Maria Clara of the 21st century. Sa lahat sa amin, siya ang nangunguna pagdating sa pagiging mahinhin at medyo conservative. May time na nagulat sa akin dahil medyo naging boisterous ako. She told me, "may mga babae kang kasama!" and I said my apologies right away. Oo nga naman! Pero hindi ko pa rin makakalimutan ang kauna-unahang pagkakataon na nakaramdam ka ng batok galing kay Lyrize (remember one of our sessions sa Starbucks PCJ). In fairness naman, ang kapatid natin ay bumawi sa iyo.

For our number 5, it's Freshmen's Trip Mo Ba

Ito ang favorite song namin ni Theresa kapag nagbi-videoke kami. We really love this especially its melody, tamang-tama sa isang barkadang mahilig mag-out-of-town or gumimik. At first, I never thought that Theresa is game na game pagdating sa mga pagalis-alis namin. Siya kasi yung tipong, she would rather stay at home, kaysa lumaboy or gumala. Pero, hindi pala. Nagsa-Starbucks na rin siya tulad namin, nagmo-MOA, nagsa-Southmall at nagcha-China pa yan (her recent out-of-the-country trip niya was in 2010 sa China). Pero para sa kanya, her haven, her paradise, her oasis is Divisoria (pareho sila ni Andrewkells). Grabe! Ang sarap kasama niyan sa Divisoria kasi ang galing tumawad. Ako kasi kapag namimili, hindi ako nananawad pero siya, if half the price, half the price talaga ang itatawad niya. Sometimes she wins, sometimes she loses, pero okay lang. We were thinking of visiting Bohol, favorite tourist destination namin yun kahit hindi pa namin nakakapunta doon. Why not next year di ba???

Number 4 of our list, it's a tie between Rihanna and Ne-Yo's Hate That I Love You and Steps' It's The Way You Make Me Feel

Ito ang dalawang kantang isinayaw ng mga Grade 5 (Batch 2010 and 2011) noong kanilang Turn Over Ceremony. The first one was Hate That I Love You and in fairness, nagawa naming maganda ang sayaw namin. Hindi naman sa pagmamayabang but we really can twist and shout (meant as dance), lalo na kung partner kami. The other one is It's The Way You Make Me Feel ng Steps at para sa akin, dito kami ang pinakamagaling (hahahaha!). Ang nakakatuwa pa sa amin, kapag nagtuturo kami ng mga dance steps sa mga bata, kapag sila na lang, may makita lang kaming mali, sasabayan namin sila hanggang sa matapos yung song. And as far as I remember, no negative comments were mentioned in our dance steps. This year, hindi na kami mag-partners so walang "sumasayaw ng walang dance" na magaganap between the two of us!

Number 3 on our list, here's Lead Me Lord by Gary Valenciano

Aside from 'Wag Mo Na Sanang Isipin, isa rin sa favorite song niya (I guess) from Gary Valenciano is Lead Me Lord. There is a secret behind this song and I really don't know the real reason. During her childhood days, naging busy siya sa mga church activities ng kanilang community and there was even a moment na muntikan na siyang ipadala sa World Youth Day sa Rome, Italy. Sayang! Siguro, ito ang kanilang theme song ni Joel (a.k.a. Baby Boy), hindi ko talaga alam! I also love this song, it gives me goosebumps every time I hear this, but minsan din kasi ginagamit itong kanta kapag may burial pero mostly sa mga offering and/or communion sa Holy Mass.

For our number 2, it's Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You by Khalil Fong

When the time I told this song to her, she really fell in love agad. She already knew the song but the version of Khalil Fong is her most favorite. In fairness naman talaga, the version of Khalil Fong is better than the original, may modern twist din kasi. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit agad-agad naging favorite song ni Theresa ito. I guess this song might be used in her soon-to-be-arranged wedding next year (maloloka na naman yan sa akin! Hahahaha!). Ginamit din ito actually ng kanyang section, 6-Loyal for the Salin-awit contest ng Linggo ng Wika. Nanalo sila as 3rd Place dahil ang ganda nga talaga. Ginawang may pagka-soul ang song that's why it's beautiful and my beautiful became her favorite song to date!

And of course, our number 1 song for the list, it's got to be Runaway by Ezra Band

Hay naku, yes this is it! Her most favorite song at ibinirit niya ito last year during our Open Mic sessions of our Foundation Day. 2010 when she first heard this habang may Pilipinas Got Talent, when the band called Ezra Band performed as their audition piece in front of Ms. Ai Ai delas Alas, Freddie Garcia and of course, Mama Kris Aquino. And then, kina-Monday-an, binoroadcast na niya sa akin na gusto niya itong song na ito. During the wedding of Judy Ann Santos and Ryan Agoncillo, ito ang wedding march song ni Juday going to the altar so ang lola Theresa, mukhang nangangarap na ito rin ang maging wedding march song niya. Why not naman di ba! Tapos puwede ring ito ang maging background music ng gagawin nilang pre-nup video ni Joel, mala-Iisa Pa Lamang then with lines pa from her favorite teleserye to date, Magkaribal. Well, whatever your plans, my friends, good luck and we will see that soon! Hehehehe...

You might wonder who is this Theresa Hernandez that I'm talking about. This is she...

Sa aming circle of friends, siya lang talaga ang may matatawag na "indescribable charm" for I really don't know the reason. Maybe because she is petite, of course beautiful and talaga nga namang charming siya! But beyond those description, one thing is definitely about Theresa, her simplicity in life. Walang masyadong arte sa katawan (well, except sa fashion!), hindi maluho and most of all, napaka-meek ng kanyang kalooban. She always wanted to experience all and she's not too ashamed if she doesn't know much about new things. 

No wonder, ang daming nagkaka-crush at nagkaka-gusto dito sa kaibigan kong ito! Dahil iba ang charisma niya. And no wonder, why Joel and her will not last for more than five years in their relationship. According to her, she doesn't call their relationship as a relationship talaga but in a sense of having a best friend at your side. Sa totoo lang, I am looking up sa relasyon nilang dalawa dahil kapag kasama namin sila, hindi sila sweet or P.D.A., their just acting on what they are, simple but you would know that they are in love. 

So kung matuloy man ang kasal next year (galit na galit na siguro sa akin ito! hahahaha), can't wait for that. Anyways, I do hope that you still stay the same way the first time I saw and knew you. Sana ganyan ka pa rin ka-simple, ka-humble at higit sa lahat, ka-sophisticated in your own right. Diba, when you say Theresa Hernandez, it must be sophisticated done in a simple way! Gusto mo yan, friend!

Belated happy birthday! May your fruitful life be more colorful and magical with your family, friends and of course, with the man you truly love!

Teka ano ba 'to? Parang message ko na sa kasal ninyo ah!!! Hahaha!!!

Toodles, Theresa!!! (Puwede ring Theresa /the-ri-sa/, Teacher Tere, Teacher There, Teresing, Claudine Barretto [daw?!?!] at higit sa lahat, Matet!)