12 Days of Semester Break

Day ten of my twelve days of semester break and the whole day today was raining, the sky and at the same time, my eyes. I feel so blue today maybe because I can't face the fact that I am so much in love with the person, in which this person cannot love me back (oh no!).

I started my day with a heart-to-heart conversation with my dad regarding their not-so-big-deal tampuhan with mom. He is really pissed off with how mom talks about his cooking and everything that he does to her. My dad used to be so sensitive so somebody should not prank him or tell him some jokes because he is too fast to believe in it. For the whole day yesterday, they did not talk; probably they need it. In the end, they made peace to each other and they brought back to each other's arms.

I went to school today so that I could check all of the projects of my kids and at the same time, to finish all of the tasks I did not do for this vacation. And again, for the second time, I wasn't able to do it because the door of our faculty lounge is locked, for no reason at all. Ate Ella told me that she has a key but only for the door knob. But for the other lock, which is used, she has none. I was really pissed off, super pissed off because how can I do everything of this. I love being crammed, because my brain is totally powered with so many adrenaline that I can finish the task beforehand. Now, I need to go back on Monday (that's the last chance) or else, I'm dead.

I went to the SpEd building to clean my room. My room is in total wreckage and mess because of my students. I cleaned my shelf, my cabinet and the whole room. And then, I remember something, which made me starting to cry. Love life, yes, I need love life. I'm already 24 years old and good thing nobody is pressuring me to have one. But I, myself, pressure myself that I need to have one. I know that the word "need" is not a particular word for love, but I want to have one. I need to be so happy, that's all what I want to happen but no. I am in love with this person but I know this person cannot love me because this person doesn't want this kind of relationship. I don't know if this person is open for this, since this is new to this person. I always cry, buckets of tears literally. I said to myself that I shouldn't think about this person but I can't. I made a realization, but still, this person belongs to my heart. I don't know. I already prayed about this, knowing that it is already done, already finished but still, this person is in my heart. What should I do? I remember my friend told me, "the only thing to replace the last person in your heart is a new and better one!" The thing, where is this "new and better one?"

I want to sleep now to finish everything. I was watching Pinoy Big Brother Unlimited but still, I think about this person. I want to stop this. Please Lord, I want a new one! Please!

Lord, guide my heart to a new and better one. I don't want to fall in love with my "friend!"

Toodles!