For an almost three decades of my whole, perfect life, I never experienced how to love somebody. For no reason at all or for I really don't know the reason at all on why I am considered, "single" and "ready to mingle." I've seen so many people that they were so happy up to heavens and continuing falling in love with their most special one. I've seen also some people whom they only tried once, failed and never did the same way again. I've seen also most of the people who have more than one companion, for I don't know the reason why he or she has the fall in love with two persons. Love is a crazy value that everyone possesses. But in reality, yes falling in love makes you a bit crazy, and makes you a bit complete. Now, let's go back to myself, did I really think of trying to fall in love, or to ask somebody to go out, or even felt what others are feeling? Well, I did!
Yes, my dear readers, yours truly fell in love and twice. But those "twice," were really an epic fail! The first one, call me very arrogant and hopeless, I was being used by a user, especially because this person became my weakness (no pun intended!). The other one, I like this person but I keep on telling myself that I don't want and I don't like. In short, I like and hate this person. I had a mistake once and never to do it again for the second try. I tried to write here in my blog sometime last May of 2011 about my ideal date, my ideal day with my special someone. I don't want to bring out the best in me by saying I could consider myself as a boyfriend material (or the other one, hehehe!), but if that person, that perfect person comes to my life, I would surely love the person I am right now with all of my heart!
Ideal date, hmmm... I'll just ask if this person is free and okay to go out with me. Since I have a car, a family car I may say, I'll fetch her a la school service and while on our journey, we will talk and talk and talk (can you imagine doing this with your date?) about almost everything. We will laugh, we will listen eager to each other, we will share what we have on our minds, and yes, we will think of the food that we will take or the movie that we will watch. According to my Mama Kris, it is not ideal for the first date to go watch movies. Well, I made a different setting, why not ask the person that I will be inviting for a coffee? Sounds too old but why not? Ask this person to come with you and have a joyride? Going to the scenic Tagaytay or just going anywhere in Manila is an enjoyable experience with your date. Suddenly, the MMDA traffic endorser or anyone who have seen you not following traffic rules, it is probably another experience. I'll ask my date if it is okay if we could eat at Jollibee, or better yet, McDonald's? For a better budget, why not go to Kenny Rogers or Sbarro. For an even better budget, why not on a restaurant? Then another round of chit-chats. With these, I would surely know the person from head to toe.
I don't know if I am really an ideal date, or an ideal partner. I am not seeing myself going out with somebody whom I really don't know, unless this person became my friend first. As what my dear friend said, it is better to make friends with an opposite sex first rather than asking or even begging for a girl just to make her as your date. That's the first part of the process of courtship as what I've seen from them. After so, if the first date will have a "sequel," and another "sequel," that's the perfect time for you to ask if it is okay to court or not? If yes, congratulations, if not, oh no! If that would happen to me, it would be okay, at least I've tried and I made myself a bit proud because I did it. There's a bit embarrassment but that would soon be erased.
What would be the feeling if I have that special someone sitting right next to me? Am I going to wrap my arms around this person? Am I going to feel really, totally in love? I don't know? But maybe I am going to be the happiest person alive! I am taking good care of this person that God gave this person to me. We're not going to talk about our future lives, counting all our possible kids, thinking of the perfect color of our house, and the kiss that we will do after our officiating priest ask us to kiss! I should stick to what I am believing on, "focus on the present!" Focus on what you have today, focus on what this person is wearing today, focus on what are you both eating, focus on your own relationship and not about his or her former relationship and your future family.
Are we still going to celebrate our anniversary? For me, I would suggest no! Why? Think of the expenses, think of the time, think of yourself and think of everyone's expectation. It is okay to count for the days you've been together and not for the years you've been together. For me, the anniversary is just another Valentine's Day or Christmas Day that should be treated a simple one. I don't know but according to my friend, the years are just plain Hindu-Arabic numbers that need not to be remembered. What should be remembered are the fruitful and not-so-fruitful days you've had and surely with those you'll gain experiences and lessons. It is okay not to have an anniversary, but of course, do not forget the birthdays and Christmas!
And then, the hardest part of all is sometimes you were both fighting, then patching things up but still no reconciliation is happening that leads to breaking up. I've read a beautiful quote that when you are in love, the happiness is felt during their first days but the sadness and awkwardness will be felt to its last days. I had friends whom they had more than one kind of relationship but still, they were looking for the better one. I don't like also the idea of getting married and suddenly, you'll soon break up because of a very petty reason, they were no longer in love with each other. For me, if I found you, you are the first and definitely, with all God's grace, must be the last! The feelings, the emotions, the gifts and all should be given to just one person and one person and that will probably be you! You'll surely feel how to be messed up with your former relationship. Finding for a new one seems to be the best remedy, but I don't know if that's really true. For me, if ever that will happen, I will surely never, ever fall in love again. I thank God for loving this person but I know God has other plans for this person and for myself and I would rather not to fall in love again.
But the magic of love in real life is not your typical romantic-comedy, or romantic-drama or fantasy-romance movies you've seen either in the big screen or in the small screen. Writers will not make you some cheesy lines to say to your loving partner; it should come from the heart. Directors will not ask you kiss your partner passionately or truly in love but it should come from the heart. And the producers will not pay for you just in case your relationship tilled the box office but again, it should come from the heart. The magic of love is in your hands. I, myself, ready to fall in love (well, again?) but I don't have the guts to follow my heart. I should ask the writers to give me a very beautiful line just to say this to the person I want the best. I should ask the directors to tell me the right acting just to say the lines and make feel the love I have to this person I really, really want. And I should the producers to give me an income to buy almost everything this person I want so bad wants!
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day but for myself, it is just an ordinary Tuesday, February 14, 2012. For those who have their love, well take good care of each other. Your partner is surely a fragile one and holds a fragile heart. For those single like me, so what? Let's have fun too! I remember my feng shui for this year for the rabbits, "2012 could be a roller coaster of interesting dates and several different relationships." Why not? But do I have the guts? Well, I'll try tomorrow. There's no harm in trying...
Happy Valentine's Day to you! To those two people whom I fell in love with, well, Happy Valentine's Day. And to my crush, eeeeee... Expect something tomorrow...
Toodles!!!
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